All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
