Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
