Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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