4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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