Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
