It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
