you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
