I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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