The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize