what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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