Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
