you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
