i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
