I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She's the barista slut.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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