you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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