Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
