so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
