Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
