life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize