so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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