I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
