you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
