Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
