it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I have fence marks all over my body
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
So. Much. Porn.
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