I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
