Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He felt like a one man threesome
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
