I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
