I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
