Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
