if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Randomize
