What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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