guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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