When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
