i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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