just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
