I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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