Moan for me like Helen Keller
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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