Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
