don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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