Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
