I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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