You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
