Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
