She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
