i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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