the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
