You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
