Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Randomize
