I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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