I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
