I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
