You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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