i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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