problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
