Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm way too hungover for life right now
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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