I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
