I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
