the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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