i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
