This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
