drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
