I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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