I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
