i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
