Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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