Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
