come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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