Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
