I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
