Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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