We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
im six kinds of drunk right now
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
