She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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